"God is Bigger Than"

Warning Label:  Tissues may be needed J

Two days ago, I sat in the doctor’s office awaiting results of hormone levels and I was reminded once again, that God is bigger than EVERYTHING!  My doctor is sitting across from me and she says, “hmmmm, these levels are not good, have you been having hot flashes?”  I reply, “No, not like my mother, but since Melanie has been born, I no longer need socks and blankets during the summer to sleep.”  She then starts to scratch her chin and I am expecting that things are not well…she tells me that estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone are low, LH and FSH are in a ratio of 1:2 not 1:1 and she looks at me and says, “with levels as these you are not going to get pregnant – you are not going to ovulate.”  I am not shocked at these results and immediately spout off with a very flippant remark of “But I did get pregnant once!”  She says, “yes”.  I say, “so, what you are telling me is that my Melanie is a bigger miracle that I ever thought, not that I didn’t know she was a miracle, I just now have the proof!”  She replies with, “we are all fearfully and wonderfully made and God is bigger than hormones!”

It is confirmed, as I have suspected for some time I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  It runs in my family on my Mom’s side – most of my cousins have it.  So, we are hoping that two medications will help get my hormones back into balance and by blood pressure down (PCOS causes that too, among many other things, such as diabetes, weight gain etc.)

So, as the day goes on, and I contemplate the fact that I am a mother, and I have a beautiful, healthy daughter that God blessed me with, I am flooded with emotions.  I am tearful and I cry because my heart, up until a few months ago was completely content and satisfied with one child, but now it desires to love another child and experience it all again.  In my mind I knew I wanted another child, but my heart was content if I didn’t.  Then something changed, I can’t explain why it changed.  So, now my heart is hurting, but yet I am hopeful.  I am also feeling a bit greedy.  Is it too much to ask our Heavenly Father for another miracle?  He has given me two huge miracles in my adult life already, how could I even begin to ask for another when so many people I know are hurting in the area of having a family?

I have given this a lot of thought over the last two days, and no I don’t think it is greed!  God made this heart of mine and if my heart desires another child, then I am going to trust in HIM to fulfill the desires of my heart.  And I will remind myself that GOD IS BIGGER than hormones!  Melanie has this song that goes, God is bigger than the boogie man, he is bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV…etc…I keep thinking of how to sing, God is bigger than my hormones, bigger than fertility treatments and the tests that depress me so!” Hey, who knew I could be a song writer… Just kidding!

So today, I am going to take my heart’s desire and enter the throne of God and place my request at his feet and let my faith overcome my feelings and trust that he will make my heart content once again!  God is very creative; He does the impossible, again and again and again in this world!  I am surrounded with prayer warriors and already feel the peace that surpasses all understanding washing over me.  So, I am going to close here for now and pick up my “baby” girl from school!  Last night Melanie asked me if she was still the baby, I think she has overheard me talking about more babies, I want her to know that she will always be my 1^st baby!  Even this morning, she told me again, that she was still the baby.  My precious little gift from the God is so very intuitive!